5 Tips For Raising Responsible & Capable Kids

Our kids are so much more capable than we usually give them credit for. However, it is our responsibility to see that in them to raise them to be responsible. That doesn’t come naturally. I tell my son often, “I am not raising a boy or a teen. I am raising a man. One day you will leave this house and you will be a man. That is my objective here.” Am I saying we treat a 5 year old like a grown man or woman? Absolutely not. But we do have to take the responsibility on ourselves to teach them the life skills they will need one day out in the real world.

Here are 5 tips I have for raising responsible and capable kids:

1. Realize that they are capable. I know I made this mistake when I only had one child. I thought it was just easier to do it myself. I was wrong. Yes, it takes time to teach them. But making that investment is worth it. They will surprise you! The starting point is realizing that while they might not know how to do it YET, they are very capable of learning and taking responsibility.

2. Do it WITH them. Trust me on this one. I have tried to TELL a toddler to pick up her room. I have TOLD my son to clean out my car. In all of these situations it was done incorrectly. What works the very best is bring them along with you. When I started teaching my son how to clean his bathroom I started with having him help me clean the bathrooms each Monday. I slowly gave him responsibility and now he cleans his own. But it took a while to get there.
   Yes, my 5 year old can pick up her toys in her room by herself. But this will likely take a very long time with me asking her over and over again. If I take 5 minutes and clean WITH her, instructing her along the way, her room is clean and she is learning. One day she will be able to do this on her own.
   When they are doing something on their own and you inspect what they have done, make the corrections with them. I still have to check out my son’s bathroom occasionally and remind him how to clean something by doing it with him. This has always been the best way, in my experience.

3. Give clear expectations. Developmentally kids do not just KNOW what we expect. Actually, no one does. Expectations will never be met unless they are clearly defined. Wouldn’t you rather your boss laid out expectations for you rather than letting you know after you completed that project that they really wanted it done in a different format?Recently I added a list on the back of my son’s weekly chart that maps out my expectations for each of his tasks. What exactly do I expect when he cleans his room? This makes it so easy when he says “Mom, I’m done!” All I have to ask is, “Did you check everything off your list?” (You can find his lists HERE -sample - and HERE - blank)
   These expectations are also clear for when it’s time for him to do what he wants with his day. If he has checked everything off on his list, he knows he is free. This saves me from having to stop what I’m doing and think through his responsibility. It is his responsibility to do what he needs to do. This brings us to my next point.

4. Let them make mistakes and experiences consequences for their actions (or lack of action.) Often I have people ask, “how do you get your teen to do his chores?” or “My kids just want to be on their devices.” Let me be clear, while I feel that my 14 year old has grown into a very responsible teen, he would love for me to burn his to do list and allow him to play video games all day long. He is a very normal 14 year old. But at this point he knows that he has to complete his list first (I will link the list I created below.) Sure, there are some days he truly forgot to do something and there is grace for that. But if this becomes a habit, he will lose the privilege of his free time. You are the parent. A huge part of learning responsibility is learning that there is someone in authority and when expectations have been laid out, they have to be met. Trust me, a day or 2 of missing out on playing a game or using his phone and he is double checking his list every day. I am not trying to be a hard parent in any way and there is a time for grace, but it is my job to raise him to be ready for college, a career, and a family one day.

5. Let them overhear you praise them. This is probably the most important thing we can do. I have to be intentional about this. My first instinct is to point out what needs to be better, but the most important and motivating thing I can do is to point out what is right. What did he improve on from last week? Let them hear how thankful you are for their work ethic and how well they followed directions and that you love working alongside them. But don’t just tell them, let them overhear you tell someone else. A compliment heard second hand is the best!

I have attached a graphic below to give you some ideas for chores your kids can do. I hope these tips have given you some ideas for your amazing kids!